Full disclosure: I LOVE CHRISTMAS. I love Christmastime with a passion normally only achieved by deeply religious 46-year-old moms.
But. But. Every year, I have at least one major holiday-related breakdown. This is inevitable, but today I did something that will make it better.
Glad I have already had my “one”.
I was recently at dinner with my boyfriend when, after a few margaritas, he had an epiphany…I just graduated from college. Um, yes, duh. He was there, we took pictures, I have the diploma (in a drawer somewhere); there is evidence. But why was he bringing this up right now? Well, as with everything unusual and interesting, it was in context. I have been going through a (late) quarter-life crisis in regards to my career and apparently he was trying to problem solve as to what exactly I was going through.
Fresh out of graduate school, ready to take on the world and save every helpless (or hopeless) being out there, I thought I would bide some time and work on a campaign (worst mistake….EVER!) It was not very long until the stars in my eyes started to dim and I realized that my superhero-mentality would need some refining—I would need to head back to the batgirl cave and come up with a different plan to save the world. Afterall, I thought that these people that I was aligning myself were on the same team as me, but really they turned out to be “criminals” that needed to be protected against as well. Come election night, I had already prepared myself (win or lose) and had accepted a job with the county (where every social worker prospers—right?)
The thing about being a social worker is that you end up where the most need is and I am not entirely sure that I belong working for the “man”. My servant heart is not easily pleased with slow progress (or sometimes no progress) and I am finding that working within a system that is designed to fail may not be the best for my well-being. I am discovering that I may be made for something different. Still helping and serving, but in a way that I can help one individual at a time, rather than attempt to change a system that is like trying to keep the Titanic from sinking.
The boyfriend was right and it was a bit of a wake up for me as well. I had never put it in the perspective of “just graduating” although, I have thought about how life will test us during trials and a little faith is required.
At the end of the day, the whole point is to do something that you love and I have never known myself to settle for anything less than what I absolutely want. I have learned to balance being content with comfortability, but knowing when enough is enough. Constantly checking in with myself and accepting where I am at, while knowing that this is not where I want to stay. I remain a woman who wishes to have it all, even if it requires being tougher than I am used to and stretching myself in ways that I would never known before. That’s what life is all about, after all.
And above all remember to vote.